I get asked this question quite frequently. And if you suddenly realize that you are one of those who have inquired before, please wipe the sweat off your forehead, because I am not about to write a blog in an overly sensitive huff about how offended I am by humanity. This question does not offend me in the least bit and I'm sure I regularly ask other single individuals the same thing. When I am asked, my replies are generally the same. And not that I find myself more interesting than anyone else by any means, but perhaps others would be interested in reading a more thorough answer. After pondering upon the consistency of such a question, I finally decided to write it down.
I love marriage. Ever since I reached "that due season" in my life (or whenever that actually is), I have loved reading and learning about it and listening to wedded couples talk about theirs and the things they have learned. It has cataclysmically become a sacred, dying flower in this modern land that does not take it seriously when they plant it, nor water it along the way. The face of marriage has been made into a tragic theatre piece. It's heartbreaking to watch it play all around me. So it is thus all the more encouraging to hear from couples who value theirs and apply every bit of themselves to it and to eachother. Few things are as refreshing to me as making friends with a young married couple who are. The nearer I draw to God and discover more of His character, the more I fall in love with the astoundingly beautiful picture He has painted of His marriage with the Church and the more matrimony makes sense to me.
Not that it is important for anyone to even know this, but on my bucket list amidst the many wild, dangerous, and outlandish goals for my future, there exists the dream of one day being married.
And being a very pro-active, ambitious individual, I am constantly on an adventure, seeking thrill and inspiration, driving across the state and country, gathering wisdom and knowledge like they are treasures, experiencing the unveiling of more of our Creator's beauty. In my very short time I've been alive on this earth, I have observed it a common habit for man to sit around and talk about their love and passions, but never act upon them or use them. Instead of thinking sympathetic thoughts toward someone who is hurting, I'd rather go to them right then and be with them. Instead of daydreaming about how beautiful the mountains must be, I'd rather save my money go see them now for myself. I don't want to sit and complain about where the Church failed, I'll go and just fill the gaps as best as I can for as far as the Lord will lead me. And NOW. Talking about where they've gone wrong will not rescue a single soul. Don't sit, Susie, go do.
But I am not looking for this. This is one thing I don't continually seek. I am not in pursuit of a relationship. Or a husband.
Of course, I consistently pray for my future guardian, for myself as a wife, and for our future marriage together. In the meantime, I have been gathering as much guidance and wisdom from others on how to serve and honour and truly love your spouse. I want to absorb as much of this wisdom as possible before this time comes for me. And though I'm so excited to get to experience this one day, I can exhale fully at night when I am lying down to sleep, knowing that I don't need this.
Let me quickly elaborate on that last statement. When I said I don't "need" it, I do not mean that in a prideful, feminist sort of way because I'm an independent woman in a business suit that doesn't need the door held open for her. Also, if you tell me a sexist joke I will not be offended. I think they're great (partially because 99% of them pertain to women belonging in the kitchen and I actually can't cook very well).
And though, it is not every single person's calling to be married, God did make man and woman to be together, to complete a picture and a visual story. According to Scripture, we are made in the likeness of His image. I think that goes way deeper than us just "looking" kind of like Him, I think that men and women both encompass different aspects of His character. Strength and beauty. When it's brought together in unison, it's whole and it's beautiful and it fulfills a picture, painting over the white spots on an oil-painted canvas.
So here is the question I am finally answering. A significant other is not a needed component for the completion of a single individual. Marriage is a sealed convenant, the unison of two individuals, completing a picture of Christ and the church. But that does not complete you as a person. It is amazing the ways that God can use people to help heal us and love us in ways we never thought imaginable; any sort of relationship with another person, romantic or not, is truly incredible. Humankind can do magnificent things when exercising love, but humankind is still unable to make a person whole. We can carry eachother there, but in the end, that is not Who meets us on that road and consummates the mysterious void hiding deep in our heart. Yes, that secret void a lot of us don't like to acknowledge.
Here we go. Here is my answer to the question I am often asked. Until it is time to meet my earthly guardian and husband, whether that is in 8 years or 8 days, I am perfectly okay being solo on such a stage. It doesn't take an introvert to be content there, because I am not even remotely close to being an introvert. And though I'm quite social and enjoy the company of others over just being by myself, I have never thought the dreaded A-word as being so dreaded: Alone. Though romantic relationships are fun and beautiful, people tend to think of them as the most important key to life whenever they're not in one. I've watched handfuls of friends go from one relationship to the next, then to the next, then to the next because everyone is just so terrified of the giant, dreadful monster called Alone, they are all so certain he can consume their identity, but only when they're not in a dating relationship.
I know I'm not very old, but I still have a big, scary secret to let you guys know about-- if Alone is actually a monster, he can still eat your identity when you're in a relationship.
I've seen it happen and I've experienced it on the other end. A boy who loved me once placed his identity in me, he thought I was who would complete him and the mysterious void hiding deep in his heart. For a while, that feeling made him very happy, until he realized I was only human and that his confidence did not exist when I was not around. Things went south very fast.
"A man needs a much bigger orbit than a woman. He needs a mission, a life, purpose, and he needs to know his name. Only then is he fit for a woman, for only then does he have something to invite her into." -Wild At Heart
A quick side note to think about: if we are whole and mentally healthy before we enter a relationship, we are going to be bringing so much more to the table. Instead of constantly taking from that person, we're going to be giving. We won't be involuntarily backing them into a psychological corner and begging them to feed our confidence so that we don't run dry. Whether they let you know or not, it's suffocating to the other person and they will eventually run out of love and energy to give. Even the most loving person on earth will run out when they are sucked dry.
"If you can't come to terms with who you are and the life you've been given, you'll never be able to accept others and how they were made and the lives they've been given." - Sex God
Returning to my answer for you, I can gratefully say that I am extremely emotionally and mentally healthy. Healthy people are still in relationships and marriages, but until the time comes for me to be married, I am perfectly content. I do not fear the dreadful Alone monster because he is, in fact, not a monster. It turns out that he is simply going on outings with groups of friends, he is time to focus on your occupations, he is getting to spend time with males or females individually, he is the ability to pack up your bags and go anywhere you want for however long as you want.
Honestly, there is really only one way I can explain how I have achieved this wholeness and ability to not see Alone as being dreadful. I finally learned to place my value in our Designer, rather than the things I do or the people who love me. Be at ease, now, that last statement was not to promote my church or give a shout out to any sort of religion. I am only humbly talking about real truth here that relates to every human creation, whether you own a Bible or not. All that matters is Who we belong to and what He thinks. I used to be both mentally and emotionally wounded in many places. Time did not heal, because time can only cover up. I didn't experience entire healing until I placed my identity in the same Hands that made me. Now I stand completely restored.
If you struggle with your self-worth, consider these things I have written down about myself: My worth is not in a text from a friend, no matter how sweet or encouraging. My worth is not in a pretty dress, no matter how much it may flatter my figure; it is not in a good hair day. It does not depend on how well I play an instrument or take a picture. My worth does not depend on what kind of mood a boss is in, or even how good my performance at work is one day; it is not in the compliments from a man's lips. My worth will not be found in the love that my husband will give me, nor is it in the admiration from my parents. My worth is not even in the things God gifted me to do, but rather who He created me to be.
Lastly, is it okay that I inquire as to why everyone think they need to be in a relationship at all times? Almost everyone I know who is single seems constantly on the search for their next significant other. Once again, dating relationships are great, but not being in one is still great too. There can be contentment on either side. So shouldn't we just appreciate them when they come? A romantic relationship is not the answer to happiness, so I can't just seem to take part in this frantic search.
One day I'll probably get married, and I look forward to serving my husband by listening, encouraging, and loving him with all that I have to give. But until then, there is plenty of fun to be had where I'm at. Relationships are beautiful, but I am not desperate for my next. God will take me to my husband when that season has arrived. I am not frantically looking because I am not frantically in need.
I love marriage. Ever since I reached "that due season" in my life (or whenever that actually is), I have loved reading and learning about it and listening to wedded couples talk about theirs and the things they have learned. It has cataclysmically become a sacred, dying flower in this modern land that does not take it seriously when they plant it, nor water it along the way. The face of marriage has been made into a tragic theatre piece. It's heartbreaking to watch it play all around me. So it is thus all the more encouraging to hear from couples who value theirs and apply every bit of themselves to it and to eachother. Few things are as refreshing to me as making friends with a young married couple who are. The nearer I draw to God and discover more of His character, the more I fall in love with the astoundingly beautiful picture He has painted of His marriage with the Church and the more matrimony makes sense to me.
Not that it is important for anyone to even know this, but on my bucket list amidst the many wild, dangerous, and outlandish goals for my future, there exists the dream of one day being married.
And being a very pro-active, ambitious individual, I am constantly on an adventure, seeking thrill and inspiration, driving across the state and country, gathering wisdom and knowledge like they are treasures, experiencing the unveiling of more of our Creator's beauty. In my very short time I've been alive on this earth, I have observed it a common habit for man to sit around and talk about their love and passions, but never act upon them or use them. Instead of thinking sympathetic thoughts toward someone who is hurting, I'd rather go to them right then and be with them. Instead of daydreaming about how beautiful the mountains must be, I'd rather save my money go see them now for myself. I don't want to sit and complain about where the Church failed, I'll go and just fill the gaps as best as I can for as far as the Lord will lead me. And NOW. Talking about where they've gone wrong will not rescue a single soul. Don't sit, Susie, go do.
But I am not looking for this. This is one thing I don't continually seek. I am not in pursuit of a relationship. Or a husband.
Of course, I consistently pray for my future guardian, for myself as a wife, and for our future marriage together. In the meantime, I have been gathering as much guidance and wisdom from others on how to serve and honour and truly love your spouse. I want to absorb as much of this wisdom as possible before this time comes for me. And though I'm so excited to get to experience this one day, I can exhale fully at night when I am lying down to sleep, knowing that I don't need this.
Let me quickly elaborate on that last statement. When I said I don't "need" it, I do not mean that in a prideful, feminist sort of way because I'm an independent woman in a business suit that doesn't need the door held open for her. Also, if you tell me a sexist joke I will not be offended. I think they're great (partially because 99% of them pertain to women belonging in the kitchen and I actually can't cook very well).
And though, it is not every single person's calling to be married, God did make man and woman to be together, to complete a picture and a visual story. According to Scripture, we are made in the likeness of His image. I think that goes way deeper than us just "looking" kind of like Him, I think that men and women both encompass different aspects of His character. Strength and beauty. When it's brought together in unison, it's whole and it's beautiful and it fulfills a picture, painting over the white spots on an oil-painted canvas.
So here is the question I am finally answering. A significant other is not a needed component for the completion of a single individual. Marriage is a sealed convenant, the unison of two individuals, completing a picture of Christ and the church. But that does not complete you as a person. It is amazing the ways that God can use people to help heal us and love us in ways we never thought imaginable; any sort of relationship with another person, romantic or not, is truly incredible. Humankind can do magnificent things when exercising love, but humankind is still unable to make a person whole. We can carry eachother there, but in the end, that is not Who meets us on that road and consummates the mysterious void hiding deep in our heart. Yes, that secret void a lot of us don't like to acknowledge.
Here we go. Here is my answer to the question I am often asked. Until it is time to meet my earthly guardian and husband, whether that is in 8 years or 8 days, I am perfectly okay being solo on such a stage. It doesn't take an introvert to be content there, because I am not even remotely close to being an introvert. And though I'm quite social and enjoy the company of others over just being by myself, I have never thought the dreaded A-word as being so dreaded: Alone. Though romantic relationships are fun and beautiful, people tend to think of them as the most important key to life whenever they're not in one. I've watched handfuls of friends go from one relationship to the next, then to the next, then to the next because everyone is just so terrified of the giant, dreadful monster called Alone, they are all so certain he can consume their identity, but only when they're not in a dating relationship.
I know I'm not very old, but I still have a big, scary secret to let you guys know about-- if Alone is actually a monster, he can still eat your identity when you're in a relationship.
I've seen it happen and I've experienced it on the other end. A boy who loved me once placed his identity in me, he thought I was who would complete him and the mysterious void hiding deep in his heart. For a while, that feeling made him very happy, until he realized I was only human and that his confidence did not exist when I was not around. Things went south very fast.
"A man needs a much bigger orbit than a woman. He needs a mission, a life, purpose, and he needs to know his name. Only then is he fit for a woman, for only then does he have something to invite her into." -Wild At Heart
A quick side note to think about: if we are whole and mentally healthy before we enter a relationship, we are going to be bringing so much more to the table. Instead of constantly taking from that person, we're going to be giving. We won't be involuntarily backing them into a psychological corner and begging them to feed our confidence so that we don't run dry. Whether they let you know or not, it's suffocating to the other person and they will eventually run out of love and energy to give. Even the most loving person on earth will run out when they are sucked dry.
"If you can't come to terms with who you are and the life you've been given, you'll never be able to accept others and how they were made and the lives they've been given." - Sex God
Returning to my answer for you, I can gratefully say that I am extremely emotionally and mentally healthy. Healthy people are still in relationships and marriages, but until the time comes for me to be married, I am perfectly content. I do not fear the dreadful Alone monster because he is, in fact, not a monster. It turns out that he is simply going on outings with groups of friends, he is time to focus on your occupations, he is getting to spend time with males or females individually, he is the ability to pack up your bags and go anywhere you want for however long as you want.
Honestly, there is really only one way I can explain how I have achieved this wholeness and ability to not see Alone as being dreadful. I finally learned to place my value in our Designer, rather than the things I do or the people who love me. Be at ease, now, that last statement was not to promote my church or give a shout out to any sort of religion. I am only humbly talking about real truth here that relates to every human creation, whether you own a Bible or not. All that matters is Who we belong to and what He thinks. I used to be both mentally and emotionally wounded in many places. Time did not heal, because time can only cover up. I didn't experience entire healing until I placed my identity in the same Hands that made me. Now I stand completely restored.
If you struggle with your self-worth, consider these things I have written down about myself: My worth is not in a text from a friend, no matter how sweet or encouraging. My worth is not in a pretty dress, no matter how much it may flatter my figure; it is not in a good hair day. It does not depend on how well I play an instrument or take a picture. My worth does not depend on what kind of mood a boss is in, or even how good my performance at work is one day; it is not in the compliments from a man's lips. My worth will not be found in the love that my husband will give me, nor is it in the admiration from my parents. My worth is not even in the things God gifted me to do, but rather who He created me to be.
Lastly, is it okay that I inquire as to why everyone think they need to be in a relationship at all times? Almost everyone I know who is single seems constantly on the search for their next significant other. Once again, dating relationships are great, but not being in one is still great too. There can be contentment on either side. So shouldn't we just appreciate them when they come? A romantic relationship is not the answer to happiness, so I can't just seem to take part in this frantic search.
One day I'll probably get married, and I look forward to serving my husband by listening, encouraging, and loving him with all that I have to give. But until then, there is plenty of fun to be had where I'm at. Relationships are beautiful, but I am not desperate for my next. God will take me to my husband when that season has arrived. I am not frantically looking because I am not frantically in need.
